ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: August 2008u

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Dazed and Confused

I finally have a day off after working a hellish week to make up for being off for the funeral. I'm trying to relax today, but it's not working. I did get a lot of stuff done that we needed done desperately.

Cleaned out my van (even vacuumed).
Got Zack new clothes at Target (Alex had a friend over to visit, so I'll take him next week).

Now, I'm sitting here and I'm just wiped out.

It's amazing how something can seem like such a little thing to one person, but be a huge deal to another. Neither person is necessarily 100% right in their view, but they each feel like they are.

I've got some rough road ahead and some big decisions to make. I don't want to. I'd rather just stick my head in the sand and pretend that it's all ok. But, it's not and I'm not happy right now. Of course, the full decision is not entirely mine to make and I am at the mercy, essentially, of someone else. I do not like being in that position. I'm too independent for that - but that's where I am.

I'm angry, too. I post angry things, then I erase them because it's not what I really mean and right now everything that I say is being picked apart. I'm not a perfect person. I've made a lot of changes in the last few years, but the changes for the better don't seem to matter.

Only the bad.

I'm so tired. So very, very tired.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Drumroll, please...

The worst of the worst:

This morning:

My camera has a bit of a tinge to it - the spots are NOT that noticeable now. I believe I am scarred though. It looks very much like scarring and I'm not sure when/if it will go away. I'm a little worried about that, but if that's what ends up happening, that's life. The important thing is that the infection is gone :)

Oh, and the watch? That's as far as I'm willing to go to cover it at work. What are they going to do, fire me? ;)

You always forget something...

I forgot to mention the very funny aspect of my trip to Phoenix last week.

Remember now that I had literally 45 minutes to get Alex and I packed and to my parents house.

You always forget something when you pack, right?

Tuesday night, I'm going through the suitcase. I have finally broken the curse. Everything that we need is there. Alex doesn't have nice clothes for the funeral, but we knew that and Dave and Lorena went and got him some (Zack, too). Toothbrushes, deodorant, underwear, all that, totally there!

Friday morning, I'm getting on my clothes for the funeral (see, didn't forget those either).

I put on my right shoe.

I go to put on my left shoe and think "hm, that's weird, if this is my right shoe, why didn't the left shoe hurt when I put it on my right foot?"

I take the shoe off my right foot and put the right shoe on. I put the shoe on my left foot and my face falls with the realization that...

I brought two right shoes!!!!!!!!

I have no left shoe.

How is this possible, you wonder?

I have two pairs of shoes for work - they are identical. One set is more battered than the other and I wear those on shifts where I only open and don't have to see guests.

The two pair sit next to each other on the shoe rack. I grabbed two shoes and shoved them in my suitcase, assuming they were an actual set.

Two right shoes. Luckily, I only had to wear them for about 2 hours.

You always forget something, right?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

States I've Visited

Thanks, Jamie, for letting me steal this from your blog.

I did not count states I've merely driven through, rather states I've spent some time in NOT in the car :)

Not bad!!!

visited 21 states (42%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or determine the next president

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Sometimes, being impulsive is a good thing...

I cried myself to sleep last night.

Let's rewind to paint the full picture. I got a call on Sunday morning from David that his grandmother died on Saturday night. Expected, of course, but not this quickly!! She was supposed to have a few months, at least. Very sad, but he said that the whole family had been there during the day and it was a wonderful day.

So, he calls me at work yesterday (Mondays are my open to close day, yay for more stress thrown into the mix) to say that Grandma's funeral would be on Friday. He would like to stay in Phoenix for it, but send Zack home alone, on their original flight, today. I scrambled big time to find some help so I that I wouldn't have to take off work.

Mother-in-law says "Cassie said she could help you out." Great! I can find someone to help out on Wed night and then have Cass help on Friday, so that she's not here all week. I ask her. She says she's "busy". Busy? With what? She has no job.

Come to find out her 'important plans' that are oh so much more important than helping out in a family emergency is that she wants to see her friends before they leave for college. Fantastic. Great priorities. I honestly don't know how I raised such a selfish child, but whatever, what's done is done. If she wants to be that way, it's her choice.

I figure out a decent solution and get the ball rolling with the daycare plans. I get home from work and I'm stressed to the hilt. I don't want Zack flying home alone - I wasn't ready for that, I'm still not ready for it.

I'm stressed about leaving them with someone new on Wed night (even though I had full faith in this friend to take good care of them). I'm stressed about having to leave work on Friday to get Zack from daycare and take him to another person's house.

I sit in my chair and start sobbing. I want Dave home. I miss him, too. I don't WANT to wait until Friday to see him. I want to go to the funeral and be with his family. I love all of them so much - they accepted me from day one into the family like I had been born into it. His grandma was more of a grandparent to me than I've ever had before. I loved her very much.

I cried for her. I cried because I never got to tell her how much she meant to me. I cried because I couldn't even be at the funeral to pay my respects. I was lonely, sad, and miserable.

I woke up late this morning and wondered the odds of being able to get a flight out to Phoenix today and back home on Saturday morning in time for work. I called my boss. I told her I wanted to go out for the funeral, could she and her husband cover my two shifts (Wed close and Fri open) if I worked their shifts next Thurs (open to close). She called me back and said yes!!!!

I frantically called my parents "Can I get a ride to the airport. Can you feed the cats while I'm away?" They were beyond accomodating. They offered to buy cat food to save me a trip to the store. I literally had 45 minutes to get us packed and over to their house to leave from the time I booked the tickets. Mom gave me a carry on bag and some cash because she "knows I'm pressed for time and might not be able to get to a bank." They keep my keys so that they can pick us all up on Saturday morning in my van.

So now, $1500 and a 5 hour flight later, Alex and I are sitting in my mother-in-law's house with Dave and Zack.

I get to see the family.

I get to pay my respects at the funeral.

I get to hold my husband and love on him.

I get to sit next to my son on the flight back.

Amazing how life can change in 24 hours.

Sunday, August 17, 2008



This morning:






Saturday, August 16, 2008

Day 14...

Lookie there.

Serious fading.



Friday, August 15, 2008

I guess I'm a big liar

To some degree, I have been looking forward to tonight for a few days now. Dave and Zack are in Arizona and Alex is at Ben's for the weekend. I got finished with work, got home, and the house was quiet.


So, I cleaned up a little, changed out of my work clothes, and here I sit.

And I'm unhappy :( I miss Dave. I just want to give him a hug. I miss the boys. Mostly, though, I miss someone else being in the house with me.

I'm a big loser haha

I'm going to relax, though - pick out a movie, chill, and then get a solid night's sleep with no one waking me up in the morning. Now THAT I won't be complaining about :)

I'm gonna vomit

Not really, but I needed a catchy title.

Referral to a dermatologist (none of which can see me until mid-September - yeah, that's helpful). Continue what will end up being a total of a 3 week antibiotic course. Finish the steroids. Re-introduce the antibiotic ointment that I was previously using. No work restrictions as long as I keep it covered.

My stomach HATES me right now. I still need to relax as much as possible - doc says the stress will only hinder the healing. What healing? But whatever.

I should resign myself to the fact that my arm is going to look like this forever. As long as it doesn't itch, I don't care hahaha

Oh, yeah...

Floor seats to Coldplay :) They aren't nearly as good as the seat I had last time, but this time I don't have to go alone!!!

Day 13

Sigh, no change. Nothing that I can see, other than that the itching has almost completely stopped:

This is yesterday:

On my way to my appt - I'll update when I get back (but not if it interferes with Coldplay tickets)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Me Luck is Changin'

Remember how I laughed at Ticketmaster the other day? Called them silly?

I take it all back.

For today, in my inbox, came an e-mail.

Said e-mail was letting me know that a certain musical band, that I like so very much, has added another date to their tour.

Interesting, I think.

It's in DC.

On Halloween. Gotta love Coldplay!

TICKETS GO ON SALE TOMORROW AND I'M SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's Change the Subject, Shall We?

Enough focusing on the sickness, let's talk about something else. Oh wait, this revolves around sickness as well. Not mine, though.

I dropped Dave and Zack off at the airport this morning. They are taking a quickly-thrown-together trip to Phoenix to go visit Dave's family. Unfortunately, Grandma has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and does not have much longer. She had surgery, but is refusing the chemo and radiation. Dave hasn't seen her in 4 years. Zack hasn't been out since last summer. Alex and Cassie have both been out there this year, so we thought it was important for Grandma to see Zack once more as well.

For today, it's just Alex and me. I promised him I would take him to see Dark Knight again. I can swing that. Tomorrow, he will be going to a friend's house for the weekend. This ends upbeing a godsend now that I have to basically sit around and try to relax as much as possible. I'm not supposed to be working, but I can as long as I'm not prepping. So, someone else is opening for me tomorrow and I will go in around 2pm and work a short shift. Then I will come home and crash. I close on Saturday night and I'm off on Sunday.

I'll pick up Alex around noon on Sunday and we'll have another day together. I hope I'm feeling better for that one.

Another week and a half until school starts. I don't have supplies for Alex - I have Zack's because I pre-ordered them through this special offer at the end of last school year. I hate this time of year. I never feel like the kids are prepared for it, whether it's because I messed up or they are just not ready.

//Shia LeBeouf is hot

I miss my kid already and he's not even landed in Arizona yet. He was so excited to get to go on a trip just him and dad. He was so cute walking into the airport with his bags with daddy. He's getting to be so grown up, I really do hate it.

He's almost 7. Alex will be 13 next year. Oy. I need to go lay down.

Day 12 - Staph Infection

Tell me I'm not seeing things.

This DEFINITELY looks better, right? I mean, as to the swelling. Actually it's looks lighter to me, as well, but this picture doesn't really show that.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Finally, a diagnosis...


So not what I was expecting or hoping for.

I'm going to go lay down, I feel like shit.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Can you see a difference?

I definitely see a difference, but it's not a good one...





I'm at work in tears. I'm miserable. It hurts so much. It itches. Fuck!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I have to write this down

Zack woke me up this morning with his typical "Mom? I have a question"

"uh huh" I said sleepily.

"What's herpes?"

"um" I must be dreaming "WHAT did you just say?"

"What is herpes? Would you kill yourself if you had it?"

Totally awake now.

"Herpes are sores on your mouth or your privates. No, I wouldn't kill myself. Where the heck did you hear about herpes and why on earth are you asking me about suicide?"

"It was in a game. She got herpes and then killed herself. That's gross. How do you get it?"

"What game?"

"How do you get it?"

"What game?"

"How do you get it, mom, I asked you a question!"

"Grown ups get it from having sex with someone else who has it. What game??"

"Ew. That's gross. I love you mommy" kisses me on the cheek. "bye!"

Tell me this was actually a dream, pretty please with sugar on top?

If you gross out easily...

You're not going to want to read this one.

As you know, I've been having some issues with my arm. Decided to watch it until Tuesday and see what's up. I haven't laid a finger on it in over 24 hours. When I woke up this morning, it was the grossest it's ever been.

It's been aching. HURTING down to the bone the last few days. So, when I woke up this morning and it looked like this:

I freaked the fuck out. Actually, THAT picture was taken hours later, in the urgent care clinic, AFTER it was actually looking better, if you can believe it. I woke up seriously swollen and itchy.

I debated ER vs. urgent care center and decided I didn't want to get laughed out of the ER for having a stupid little rash, so I went to Patient First. That place is great, by the way. You can usually get in and out very quickly, but they were super busy today and it took 2 hours, but still, much shorter than the ER.

So, I go through the intake nurse first (who, incidentally asked if they were going to be seeing me or my 'daughter' - she meant Zack, who wanted to come and keep me company. Nice, ya idiot - he's got a penis). ANYWAY...

After a long wait, which consisted of Zack and I dancing around the office to all the highly inappropriate music I have on my cell phone, the doctor came in and she made a nice face when she saw it. That's never good.

"The rash is an infectious reaction."

"Oh, so it's just a coincidence that it's on the arm I just had tattooed?"

"No. The needle introduced this infection and your body's attacking it."


I explained that I watched the tattoo artist open up a brand new needle and she said that it wasn't the needle itself, but the fact that it was then, essentially, an open wound that got infected later, which is why the reaction didn't occur immediately.

Think that perhaps working around raw meat and all kinds of other stuff immediately after getting it might have done that? I'm willing to bet on it.

Long story short - I have antibiotics and an ointment to use. It's already a lot less itchy, but it still looks SO gross.

I should see some good results within two days.

And you know damn well, I'll be taking pictures of it all.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I think I'm fooling myself

I don't think this is getting better at all. I decided to take daily pictures this weekend to see if it is improving at all and with these first pics taken today (Saturday), I'm saying no.

If I don't see a significant change by Tuesday morning, I'm gonna have to go see the doctor. I can't go on Monday because I'm working. Ugh. At least it's definitely not in the tattoo itself, but still, this is gross.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

I Love Blogger...

and here is why.

My laptop spacebar has been seriously f'd up for several months. At first, I wasn't getting any spaces. Now, I get like 3 in between words sometimes and it's really annoying.

When I blog, however, Blogger fixes it for me automatically - I don't have to hit spellcheck or anything like that. It looks like serious crap right now, you have no idea, but when I hit "Publish Post," it will look perfect. Like the brilliant writer and grammar freak that I am.

I heart Blogger.

Tattoo Update

I'll just answer everyone's questions at once here, so I don't have to repeat myself.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm having an allergic reaction to the stupid Lubriderm that I was using to keep the tattoo hydrated. Of all the things in the world to be allergic to, it's unscented lotion?!?! That's a funny joke.

If I were allergic to the ink, well, a) I would have had some kind of reaction with my other 5 pieces and b) it would have happened very quickly, not 4 days later.

So, I stopped putting on the lotion and I haven't had any more serious breakouts. However, the original rash is still there and it's ugly because I scratched the shit out of it the other day. I found some prescription cream that I had for another skin issue a while ago. It's probably expired. I don't care. The shit works.

I'm not itchy anymore and that's a good thing.

The tat is healing nicely. Pretty much all of the scabs have fallen off. It does, however, have a very "alligator-y" quality to the skin right now and I don't like that at all. I'm sure that will go away as well and it may have something to do with the lack of lotion being used at this point. I'm going to put some sunscreen on it and that should help with the moisture. I need to put sunblock on it every day before I leave the house because any direct exposure to sunlight can fade it really quickly. I gotta buy a bottle of like 55 SPF just for me that I can keep in my room or something.

I don't want to take a final picture yet because the red rash bumps are still there, so once that's gone, then I will take a final picture.

I still love it. It's looks great and best of all, it doesn't hurt anymore!! I have discovered something very, very interesting though. Seems as though the tattoo is linked to my soul somehow and when I get stressed, it aches. Hm. I'm a freak of nature :)

Monday, August 04, 2008

Grab some snacks

Cuz this is gonna be a long one. (that's what she said)

Last night was Sunday, August 3. We all know what that means.

Sigh. They are amazing. Absolutely amazing. Whatever they did in the month that they postponed the tour was worth the wait. They were TIGHT. They sounded amazing. Every song was perfect. Everyone wants to know the details, so I will do my best to oblige.

Now, when I said I had 5th row tickets, I wasn't kidding. I was on the side, but lucky for me, one of the stage extensions was right there in front of us.

Here's a few shots while they were setting up so you can see I'm not full of shit:



The lights went out, the screaming began, and Coldplay took the stage. They started with Life in Technicolour (the opening instrumental track from the new album). They played behind these black sheers, backlit with white light:


The sheers went up and revealed this backdrop, which I thought was pretty cool:


Then they went immediately into Violet Hill. I had predicted they would play that as the opening song and I was mostly right:



Chris accidentally wacked himself in the face with the microphone at the end, it was pretty funny.

A few 'thank yous' and they went right into Clocks:



Really cool lasers during Clocks:


Now, there is no way I can remember the exact order of the songs, but I'm pretty sure they played In My Place after that. Being that it's my friend Nadine's favorite songs (and one of my favorites to see live), I videotaped the entire song so she could see it. I love how Chris plays to the crowd. He's all about the singalongs.

Every time during the chorus, the house lights came on and everyone in the crowd sang at top volume. It's incredible to hear an entire stadium of people singing in unison. I can't embed for some reason, but please check it out:


The song I was waiting for. Viva la Vida. Couldn't wait to hear the singalong, I knew it would be awesome. Unfortunately, my memory card filled up halfway through the song, but here's what I got:


During the singalong, he came right up to our side of the stage. So close!!!!!


Some other songs they played:
Yes (oh I was thrilled!!!)
Yellow (complete with yellow spot lights all around)
Strawberry Swing
Fix You (my favorite part was the very end. For the final, quiet chorus at the end, he turned his piano mic to the audience and walked away from the piano, allowing all of us to sing the end)
Lovers in Japan
The Hardest Part - now this one, I'm not 100% sure this is what he sang because I was frantically trying to delete pictures and open up more memory for more pics of the concert. Part way through the song (which was a slower version than the album) he stopped paying piano and said "ok that's enough of that" and moved on to another song :)

I watched with tremedous excitement as the band proceeded to walk down the stage extention to us, set up, and start to play RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Literally:


They played God Put A Smile On Your Face. The only problem, if you want to call it that, was they were a little left of me and facing the front, so I really could only see Chris's ass. Oh the horror. Hated every second of it. And since I hated it so much, I took a shitload of pictures.

Incidentally, these guys do NOT stand still!!!!




Another gratuitous ass shot from a later song:


Random stage shot - no clue what song it was from:


Near the end of the show, they ran out into the audience and out one of the back doors. Then they suddenly appears in one of the very back sections, standing in a row with fans and sang The Scientist. I thought that was SO cool - those people had shitty seats and ended up with the best seats in the house. They were no more than a foot away from the entire band. Here's a shot of how far away they were:


They had these giant globes that moved up and down during the show. Sometimes they had weird color patterns on them, which were beautiful:


Other times, they had live-feed footage of the band and it was perfect video quality, so it was like having 6 round screens for everyone around to see the band close up. Very cool.

After they left for the encores (right after a short song sung by drummer Will Champion, which was performed in the back right after The Scientist), they showed a quick video on the globes of Bill O'Reilly calling Chris a 'pinhead' for making fun of Fox News in Violet Hill and then not coming on his show. It was hilarious. They used a remix of Talk and showed images of Karl Rove and Bush being stupid, it was great.

Then the encores started.

Politik. God damn that's a great song!!!
Square One - amazing.

The last song was Death and all of his Friends. During this song, they dropped thousands upon thousands of crepe paper butterflies. One dump, two dumps,then the final dump were florescent ones with a black light shining on them, I was awestruck:


I have more shots on my cell phone, but for some reason, I couldn't get them to transfer to my computer. I'm working on it.

They said goodnight and walked to all corners of the stage, waving at everyone and saying "thank you" over and over again. One thing that really struck me was how honored they seemed to be that people like their music. They were very humble, and honestly seemed surprised that we were so excited to see them. They seemed just as thrilled to be there as we all were.

I'm sure I'm forgetting some details. Like at the end of Yellow when he totally screwed up the last chorus. He stopped and said "wow, I totally fucked that up" and started up again - halfway through singing, he'd interject "well, that's much better" "perfect" and stuff.

Also, he said, before Will sang his song "you may ask yourself why do all singers think they can play harmonica? I don't fucking know. I play for shit, but I'm still gonna do it." And he accompanied Will :)

Fantastic show. I'm really hoping they add another leg to the tour, like they did with the Twisted Logic Tour 3 years ago. I'm dying to see them again. It was totallly worth it going alone and having such great seats. The people around me were chatty, so it was really nice.

If you read this whole thing, I applaud you.

Now, I need some sleep!!

Sunday, August 03, 2008

I'm thinking this is no bueno...

The tattoo is healing well. I haven't had any issues. The pain is pretty much gone at this point. If I accidentally hit it, yeah, it hurts, but it's not throbbing and I can wear clothes over it.

However, Houston, we have a problem.

I woke up this morning to THIS:

What. The. Fuck??

It itches like hell, but I'm not scratching it. I can't tell really if it's embedded in the tattoo or just below. The tat doesn't itch at all, so I'm thinking no. But it's very scabby, so it's hard to tell.

Ugh. Of course, I've never had a reaction like this. Of course, the tattoo parlor is closed until Tuesday.

I think I'll take some Benadryl and see if that helps. Gotta be 100% for the Coldplay concert tonight ;)
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