ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: April 2009u

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Sometime I Wonder

I wonder if Alex is going to be a normal adult. I have always said "things will get better when puberty hits - he will mature" but puberty is nowhere in sight. There is not one shred or tiny sign that it's even on its way. He will be 13 in two weeks. He looks like he's 10. He acts like he's 7.

A lady at the restaurant tonight saw that he was reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and was open-mouthed and all "you're reading THAT - oh my gosh!". I wanted to say "he's 13, lady, he's not 8" but Alex was so happy she was talking to him about it and David was so proud - "He's read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, too, I couldn't even get through that," that I didn't say anything. But it's the truth. She never would have said that if he looked his age.

I tried having a serious conversation with him last night. I took him to dinner, just me and him. I wanted to know some more about his friends and what they were into. More specifically, in a roundabout way, I'm trying to find some sign that my kid likes girls. Or hell, boys. Likes anyone in that way ya know? Trying to have a normal conversation with Alex is an exercise in futility. I was given quick, one-word answers, with follow up questions that had nothing to do with the topic at hand. He'd start talking about Garfield, or movies, or video games. He won't talk about normal, regular topics. I couldn't even get out ANY of the questions I wanted ot ask before I completely gave up.

It's frustrating.

Then there's the fact that he acts like Zack's age when they are together. I can't leave my 7 year old in the hands of my 13 year old because my 13 year old will hit him when he thinks Zack's threatening him in some way (verbal or whatnot and not even his safety - perhaps tattle-taling or something). Or, he will be intentially cruel to Zack, who only wants to play with his big brother. Oh, I won't lie. Zack is NOT innocent - he's a 7 year old boy. He pushes Alex's buttons, that's for sure. But at 13, Alex should not react like he does and it's frustrating.

I would like nothing more than to send them both out to visit with their grandmother in Phoenix, but I can't. There is no way that I would inflict their constant bickering and fighting on anyone else. It's honestly like having twins who hate each other. There is no difference in their maturity level except, and I hate to say this, Zack is often times more mature than Alex.

Sometimes, I truely worry for my son's future. I just want him to be normal. I have a hard time accepting the fact that he's not, so now I grasp onto the hope that he will grow to be normal...

Monday, April 13, 2009

I suppose I should update

Dave's still here - no strike yet. This is great. I'm beginning to think that it may not happen. Dave grew a strike beard haha - he won't shave until he knows for sure he's not going.

I really need a vacation. I'm trying to work it out so we can go to Arizona for Xmas, but I don't known if that will happen or not. Either way, I need some time off before that. I'm getting seriously burned out right now. I need to stand up for myself and say "look, it's been over a year since I had a vacation - I'm supposed to get 2 weeks a year, I need to take some time off." And I don't mean trading shifts, I mean some days OFF.

Easiest day to get covered is my Wednesday opening shift - maybe I can get a few of those covered and have some 3 day off stretches. I'd like to take the boys to the beach. I'd also like to go to the place that I suggested my bosses go - Great Wolf Lodge. The boys would love it.

I'm off today and tomorrow and I don't even want to think about work - I'm going to try my best not to.
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