ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: July 2008u

Thursday, July 31, 2008

My newest piece...

I've been wanting another tattoo for several years now. I've wanted to get some kind of homage to my children. But, I didn't want to just tattoo their names on me - that's just too cliche and common to me.

It's been in the back of mind for years, keeping an eye out for an idea, a design, anything.

So, last week, I'm looking at Coldplay stuff online, as I'm want to do because they are awesome and I saw the cover of their 3rd album, X&Y:

Hmm, interesting colors and concept. Reading up more on the design, I found out that it's an artist's visual representation of binary code. VERY interesting...

I wondered what my kids' initials would look like with that coding? Eh, unimpressed.

But then, I thought - what about their names?

Zack Alex Cassie:

Now, THAT is interesting...I fell in love with it. Completely original, has incredible meaning to me on different levels. Perfect.

I took the design to a tattoo artist last Saturday and asked what they could do. He said no problem, shrunk it down and we set an appt for yesterday. Cool thing was thre were several people in the tattoo shop who saw the design and once I told them what it was, they thought it was even cooler. Lots of positive comments from people, which just solidified that I'm not weird haha

I decided on my left wrist. This is my first piece that's very visible, but it's also the piece that means the most to me of anything I've had done. I'd have all my other pieces removed if I had to keep just one.

So...I had it done yesterday. Hurt more than any piece I've had done. I'm a lot more swollen and sensitive than the others, but I'm chalking that up to where it is. My wrist is not getting any rest, with the typing, working, etc. A shoulder is a lot different than a wrist.

Here it is. I think it turned out perfect. Remembering right now it's bloody and swollen and this was taken with my phone:

And just to give you an idea of HOW swollen it is - this is what I woke up to this morning:

My biggest concern right now is keeping it covered at work while it heals. It's not a pretty thing right now and it needs to stay covered, however, the long sleeved shirt I wore last night KILLED me. I figure when it IS healed, I can get a thick bracelet and I'll be set, but what to do until then? Oh well, I'll figure something out.

I could not be happier with this piece. It's gorgeous, meaningful, and I love it with all my heart.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Hahaha, Ticketmaster is stupid

I got an email "reminder" that the Coldplay concert is on Sunday.

Oh really?

The concert I've been waiting over 3 years for?

The one that got postponed from last month?

The one I've had a 5th row ticket for since some time in May?

The one I've been counting the days until all summer (it's 5 days away, FWIW)

Yeah, that's something I'm going to forget about.

I'm broken...

But getting a ton better.

I'm exhausted. I've dealt with a lot of shit in the last week. But, I think everything is on an upturn. One could only hope - doesn't really get much worse than it's been.

That being said - I've got some cool stuff to look forward to this week.

My Coldplay-inspired homage to my children will be permanently inked onto my left wrist on Wednesday. I'm so excited, I can't wait!!!

The Coldplay concert is on Sunday WOO HOO!!!! I may pee myself with excitement.

This week at work is busy and that's always good.

I have the most wonderful group of friends on the new board that I'm on. It's already 'home' for me and it's barely been in existence.

I'm so happy to be rid of pregnancy.org that I can't stand it. So free. So happy :)

Waiting for some friends to pop out those babies - waiting to visit with one who just did!

Life is good - you wouldn't know it from the title of this blog entry, but it really, really is.

Friday, July 11, 2008


Yeah, I won't be a part of that website anymore. The last week has taken the cake. They have now turned into the site that they fought so hard to get away from. They are no better.

As soon as the swap is over on the Atheist Board, I'll have my account deactived. I couldn't be happier with the decision.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

I'm Sensing a Pattern

Me = very sleepy, just waking up
Zack = just woke up, laying in bed with me watching tv and snuggling

Me = Drifting in and out of sleep...

Zack says...

"Hey, mom, look - my private is sticking out of my underwear!"


Friday, July 04, 2008

Zack, stop playing with your penis

"No, I can't. It's stupid. And fun."

2 minutes later.

"Zack stop playing with your penis."

He puts his fingers on it and plays it like a flute as he sings a little song.

I'm in sooo much trouble.


Sometimes, the feeling still hits me like a ton of bricks. The nausea, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. There's nothing I can do about it. There is always that sense of "what if," even if the odds are almost impossible. The fact is, the fear is still there 5 years later. I have no reason to be so worried, but yet I am.

At first, I was upset at myself and thought it was a sign of weakness or self-doubt. You know, something that reflected badly upon me. I quickly realized that it's OK to sit with this feeling. There is nothing wrong with it. It will pass. But it hasn't passed. Now, it's not so much that I'm worried that it's going to happen again, it's more that I'm re-living 5 years ago.

I called him. I just wanted to tell him how I'm feeling and he was wonderful, of course. I hope he enjoys his night to himself.

It's very surprising to me how this can just sneak up on me, without warning or triggers. So, I sit here and I think hard - what could have triggered me? Was it his suspicions? No. What is it? It's some stupid bitch on one of the boards and her stupid self. See, I knew I should have given up all but 2 of the boards, but I didn't. I need to. Idiots.

The pessimistic side of me comes out once in a while still and I don't like it. I wonder when my life will come crashing down because it can't stay this good forever. Will Dave lose his job? Will I lose someone close to me? There are so many other things I worry about. Luckily, my medication helps and I don't ruminate so much. I think about things, but then I just stop. I used to have anxiety attacks because I couldn't get things out of my head. I'm so glad I'm not there anymore.

I feel a lot better after writing this

Thursday, July 03, 2008

No, I'm not still drunk

I debated whether or not to do any blogging tonight. Obviously, the impulse won out.

So, I'm sitting here in a hotel room, all alone and it's heaven. Not that I don't miss my husband and kids. I do, to an extent ;) Mostly, though, it's some much needed time with me, myself, and I. Dave and I struck a great deal (my idea, incidentally) - I'm staying here tonight. I'll come home tomorrow before noon, then he'll come here until Saturday morning. We both get some much needed alone time - it works perfectly.

Of course, someone had to say something and make me think twice about it. Both of my bosses were like "you're so weird - why don't you go away with Dave?" Um, because my babysitter moved out?!? Also, that's not ENTIRELY the point. I WOULD like a little time to myself. I've been here all day and it's been wonderful. I took a super-long bath in the jacuzzi. I listened to whatever music I wanted to at whatever volume I wanted and I didn't have to make sure it wasn't bothering anyone. Oh, incidentally, Maroon 5 and Eminem :) Much more fun to dance to than Coldplay.

I also have a bottle of wine. It is my friend. no, seriously - I don't get to drink that much. And it's not that I really want to either, but it's nice to be some place where I can have some wine that I really love and not worry about how to get home, what time to be home, etc. I just have to worry about drunk posting, which apparently, I've already done some of. Great. Sometimes that's worse than a hangover.

I've watched a few movies on my computer (Mean Girls and Misery). I plan on watching some more and falling asleep in the giant, lush bed. I will not have to worry about waking someone next to me. I will not have to worry about Zack feet pushing into my back at 8am. And as wonderful as the good morning kiss is that he gives me, I won't get one tomorrow morning and I'll be perfectly happy.

I'd better set an alarm so I don't over sleep. Dave deserves this, too!!!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

No One's Going to Read This

I'm ok with that. People keep asking me what I think of the new Coldplay album and it's so hard for me to describe it briefly, so I won't. Here is my detailed review of the new Coldplay album, Viva la Vida (or Death and all his Friends).

The more I listen to this CD, the more I fall in love with it. I have to be honest and say that the first listen scared me. I didn't realize that I was listening to it out of order and the first 3 songs were just not what I was wanting to hear. It's a very different sound for Coldplay. But, I decided to plug through and keep listening.

This is one of those albums where I can hear something new each and every time I listen to it. I've probably listened to it completely 20 times and yesterday, for the first time, I realized that the basic melody of the opening instrumental track (Life in Technicolor) is played at the end of another track, later on the album (Death and all his Friends).

There are two versions of the same song (Lost) and, at first, I thought that was kinda lame. They could have put a whole 'nother track in there and had 12 tracks, instead of 11. But, again, upon repeat listenings, I think both versions are really cool. I like the more upbeat one (Lost!) than the softer, more ballad-y one (Lost?).

Chris breaks away from his trademark falsetto many times on this album and it's a refreshing change. It's also sexy as hell. Man, he's got a great voice. But I digress. So let's break it down...

1. Life in Technicolor
Ok, this is the opening track of the album and a full instrumental track. There's not much to say about it. It's pretty and it's catchy. There are some vocal "whoa"s in there near the end.

2. Cemeteries of London
The first track to break away from the falsetto. He starts out singing kinda low and it's a bit of a shock at first. Of course, he goes back into his higher range fairly quickly into the song. The first verse only has a little tinkling piano in the background, which lends itself to build up a sense of "where is this going". Then it suddenly breaks out into a solid, fast drum beat, which might be my favorite drum beat of the entire album. Easy to sing along with. First mention of God, but not nearly the last. But, that doesn't bug me at all :)

3. Lost!
The upbeat version of this song. I adore the lyrics to this one, they remind me very much of Everything's Not Lost - "Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost". "Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt". I really love that. I like the drum beat in this one a lot, as well. I like any song that makes me bounce my head to the rhythm. I've seen this performed live twice on TV and they really rock it.

4. 42
This ranks up there as one of the best tracks on the album. It starts out with a lone piano and Chris's lilting, soft voice. A gorgeous melody. Another death-themed song (there are a lot on this album, but it's anything but depressing). After the first verse, we add in some strings in the background. Still gorgeous. Makes me close my eyes and just relax every time I hear it. It's almost comforting. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, it breaks into a flat-out rocker. Zack loves the fast part of the song and sings along every time at the top of his lungs "You thought you might be a ghost, you thought you might be a ghost. You didn't get to heaven but you made it close". The guitar is very prominant in the second part of the song. There's a triplet drum beat following each line of the fast part that lends itself to a full on clap-along. It's impossible not to hit my steering wheel in tune, or clap - it's fantastically catchy. It seamlessly ends back with a repeat of the beginning's slow, beautiful verse. LOVE this song.

5. Lovers in Japan
Not one of my favorite tracks, but still very good. Very upbeat. Piano, strings, guitar - it's got it all. This is the first of 3 tracks that is multifaceted, as in it starts out as one song and turns into a completely different one. You could say that 42 does that as well, but the 3 tracks I'm talking about go to a whole 'nother level and are over 6 minutes long each. Don't let that scare you - they are all very good. So back to Lovers in Japan. I think my favorite part of this song is the piano. 4 minutes in, it fades off and it sounds like the song ends. Then there's a beautiful piano solo of tremelos and chords. Another 'close your eyes and soak it all in moment". Chris sings a low range verse here and it has a nice fade out at the end.

6. Yes
If I was forced to name a favorite track, this may just be it (it's tied very closely with the title track, which I can listen to over and over and never get sick of). It starts with an eager string intro, which reminds me VERY much of the beginning of I Am The Walrus. Add guitars, a single note on the piano, more strings, the drums and OH MY GOD Chris is singing the deepest I've ever heard and I completely enthralled. "If you'd only say yes..." Ok, I say yes. YES YES YES hahaha. This is the longest track of the album and another that blends into a completely different song. My favorite part of the track is the little bit between the verse and the chorus - just drums and a funky string solo. The second half of the song is basically instrumental and it's rockin' I can't wait to see this one live!

7. Viva la Vida
Almost a perfect song. From beginning to end, I love every second of it. Any rock song that starts with some kick-ass strings is a good song, in my opinion. The verses have a great sing-along melody, so does the chorus. I can already hear the entire arena singing along with the 'whoas' near the end - it's going to be amazing. I don't have to write much about this track because it's awesome and I have yet to find anyone who has heard it that doesn't like it. Even people who 'hate' Coldplay, love this song. Oh, I said almost perfect? I'd like it if it were longer ;)

8. Violet Hill
This was the first track that was released a few months ago and it's sucked me in every time I've heard it. Chris Martin said he's had the first line of the song written for 10 years, but never knew where to go with it. Another track that starts out very simply with only piano and Chris. When the guitar enters, it is much stronger than any Coldplay song I've heard. It's a downright rock-and-roll song. Plus, there's a very veiled reference to Fox News and Idiot Bush, which is always welcomed by me.

9. Strawberry Swing
Interesting song. Starts out with this upbeat, tinkling guitar solo. Drums fade in, then come the vocals. A very light song. I really love the line "It's such...it's such a perfect day." It always makes me take in a deep breath and appreciate whatever it is that I'm doing (usually driving). I really like the lyrics on this one. It's not a song that I can appreciate when I'm prepping at work because this song lends itself to a very close listen and appreciation of the subtleties of it and I can't pay attention to details when I'm working.

10. Death and all his Friends
This was the very first track I heard when the album came out (other than the two early releases, Violet Hill and the title track). Now, I realize why I didn't like it at first. I thought, how on earth is this a good way to start an album? Well, it's not and they didn't start the album with this track. It's a nice way to come to an end. It begins with a quiet piano/Chris verse (it's a pattern). Out of nowhere, it crescendos into a nice beat and guitar lead. This part of the song also includes Chris's favorite lyric on the album "I don't want to cycle, recycle revenge" - interesting. The track ends with a repeat of the opening instrumental song and an almost whispered final verse, which puts actual lyrics to the instrumental, which I found pretty cool.

11. Lost?
The slower version of the earlier track. It's a very nice denouemont (look it up) and I think that was their entire point of putting it at the end. How do you think it starts? Oh with a piano and Chris? You're brilliant. It's a gorgeous song and the perfect ending to a great album.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Wanna Know What I Ended up Doing?

Watching episode after episode of Dexter. Computer closed, full attention. I was not bored once.

Great show!!

My Life is so Rough...

Yeah, that's sarcasm.

I am bored. Like, seriously, just bored out of my mind. I ran my errands this morning and I've been chillin' since. I've already played Guitar Hero Aerosmith ad nauseum this afternoon. I've read all the boards that I care to read and they are boring the crap out of me, as well.

I don't feel like watching TV - I've done that already. I kinda want to go to bed, but it's only 9pm and I don't want to be anything like Jordan and her "I'm asleep at 8" bullshit (love you, J).

The boys are in bed and Dave and I are just sitting around. I know what you're thinking. Nope, already done THAT today, too.

I wanted to go somewhere earlier - just get out of the house. Now, I have no interest in that. So, I'll just continue to write this boring blog entry about being bored. Appropriate, no?

Don't feel like talking on the phone. I don't really have anything of any interest to say. Obviously.

Man, I'm a boring person to boot :)
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