ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: March 2010u

Tuesday, March 02, 2010


It's been almost a year since I wrote anything. I don't know if anyone even reads this - I don't much care either way. Just writing for myself.

So much has happened this past year. I'm honestly just a tired soul at this point. So much bad keeps happening. So much. But, it's always tempered and balanced by all the good. There is a lot of good in my life. Sometimes, I forget it. So, every day, I try to remember the good. Some days, it's very difficult. Some days, like today, it's easy as pie.

Of course, I'm sitting on my friend's couch in California, the last of a 4 day vacation to Napa and the surrounding areas, so it's very easy to be relaxed and happy right now. It's been blissful. No one to deal with but myself - I can do what I want, when I want. I've been a little lonely, but I'm a social person, so I've found people to talk to at the wineries and restaurants and such, so I'm not suffering haha.

I want a few months of nothing eventful happening. I'm tired, down to my core, of the bad things. And here's the thing - this last year - these bad things haven't been just bad, they have been life-altering awful. Two of them in 6 months. That's just not fair, by any standard of fairness.

I hear a lot "If anyone can handle this it's you (or you guys, meaning me and Dave)." That's a nice sentiment, I'm not going to lie, but for once, just once, I'd like for someone else to have to deal with it. What if I break down and completely lose my mind, will I then get a break and not have to "handle it" anymore? Probably not, but a girl can dream.

My life does not suck by any means. My life is not horrible. It's actually wonderful, fulfilling, interesting, and fun. But, it's all these good things, with this cloud of awfulness all the time. Or what feels like all the time. I'm very thankful that we are able to afford things like this trip for me to get away. I can't even imagine what I would do if I couldn't get a mental health vacation. I hope that I can get Dave one soon, he definitely deserves it.

So, please. Whomever or whatever keeps piling this shit on me - you can stop. Really. I'm done. Don't need anything else on top of this or I'll break. That's my plea. Have a nice day.
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