Damn...

I got some cute kids!







And for good measure:

It's pretty amazing

How just a little tweaking of medication can make a world of difference. I have more energy now, I'm more into spending time with people, I'm basically just a hell of a lot happier.

I even went out and exercised today, which I haven't done in a long time. I haven't had the motivation.

You know what else is amazing?

Stupid people.

They are rampant - another reason to stay away from the majority of the parenting boards now. Nothing worse than trying to decipher a post from someone who clearly is as dumb as a post, and then reading that they are planning on home schooling their children. Bitch, you can't even SPELL school, how on EARTH are you going to teach your children anything?

Stupid.

Oh oh - here's another one. Um, I don't have any money to buy my kids necessities, but hey, let's go on vacation, buy cigarettes for our husband, and fancy video games. Yeah, that makes total sense. Oh, wait - we'll tell everyone they were gifts. Dude, if you are getting hundreds of dollars of items in gifts, YOU NEED TO SELL THAT SHIT AND GET YOUR KIDS SOME UNDERWEAR AND FOOD!!!!! Because, your needs are NOT more important than your childrens' needs, don't you get that??? Oh, and of course, have some MORE kids while you're at it when you can't afford the ones that you do have. I think that person should get the parent of the year award.

Stupid idiotic people. I have no patience for them anymore.

I LOVE TOP CHEF!!!!!!!! (Part Three)

Upon re-viewing of the reunion show, I now pink puffy heart Andrew more than before. As if "I have a culinary boner right now" wasn't good enough, then he followed it up with the wonderful comment about Spike. How I missed this other gem on the first viewing, I have no clue:

*clears throat*

"I want to make a butterscotch waterfall out of unicorn cock"

Brazilliant!!!!

Adding to the collection

I tried to get a picture of Zack today, because he's got Fifths Disease and his cheeks are bright red. I've never actually seen it before, just heard about it a bunch. It explains his being sick recently.

But, as I was saying. I asked him to stand still so I could take a picture. What do you think he did? You all KNOW what he did:

A Breakthrough!!!!

We got Alex's report card today. I'm lazy and tend to get the mail about twice a week. I'm sure it was sitting there for several days, oops.

Alex has a lot of issues. Schoolwork is a daily struggle in our house. It was looking pretty grim earlier in the year. But, man, this kid has some people who really care about him. We've had meetings with teachers/teams/etc. David came up with this great calendar/homework checking system and we based rewards on that. He's been struggling in Math all year. No grades higher than a D and not because he doesn't understand or know the information - he doesn't do the work, or he rushes through and does it wrong. His handwriting is too hard to read sometimes. He has issues, we'll just say that.

His 4th quarter report card was amazing. He finally got a C in Math and that was his only C. All A's and B's. Plus, the majority of his final grades for the year were A's and B's. Math wasn't, but we knew that was coming. He got a C in Art or something - I don't care. He got A's and B's in ALL of his important non-math classes. WOO HOO!!!!!!! He's so smart - it's very hard to see that sometimes with all the problems that he has at school.

He's worked really hard and so has David. I mean, I've supported him as well, but honestly, David deserves most of the credit for how well Alex ended the year.

We will finally have an IEP in place for him for next year and will have team meetings and such to keep him on this positive road. I'm hoping the struggles will be less next year.

So way to go, Alex!!!!! You're doing a great job!!!!

I LOVE TOP CHEF!!!!!!!! (Part Two)

Funniest shit I've heard in a long time.

Reunion show.

Andrew.

Talking about Spike.

"I'm not gay, but I'd probaby let him bang me."

BAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Vicious Cycle

I've gained some weight. I'm not happy about it. But, I can't seem to get off my ass and do anything about it. Being fat makes me unhappy, and being unhappy makes me fat. I know what I SHOULD do, but I have no motivation to do it.

I've lost interest in things I used to love doing. I just don't want to be bothered. I don't think it's the meds, I think it's just me. Blah.

It's a vicious cycle. I gotta figure out how to break it.

Daddy's Day

Happy Father's Day to my wonderful David. I could make the super-cheesy, full-of-cliches post about how great he is and what a great dad he is. Maybe this will turn into that. Knowing me, it probably will. Ever since giving birth to Zachary, I'm emotional at the drop of a hat. Again, I hate being a girl.

My kids speak to how wonderful their father is. If it wasn't a complete invasion of privacy, I'd type out the lengthy note that Cassie put in Dave's card today. It made me tear up. They are a testament to what a great dad he is. The boys are always so excited when he comes home from work, or when he comes downstairs in the mornings on the weekends.

He's not perfect. He loses his temper. He forgets to do homework and things on the nights I'm working. He doesn't cook that much (which of course, makes him awesome "McDonald's" or "pizza" dad. So what? He's supportive, loving, and most of the time, the true sense of reason in our house.

Last night, for example, I told Cassie she couldn't do something. He was right there (in private of course, never undermining my parenting in front of the kids) to tell me that perhaps I was being too harsh and not thinking things through. Our kids are truly his #1 priority. Other parents SAY their kids are, but David shows it. Every day. He is always thinking of them and seeing things from their point of view. A rarity, I think.

I feel very lucky that he's the father of my children. Yup, sappy. That's me!!

Liquid Crack

Specifically, the hazelnut flavor.

Seriously, I can't get enough of it. I'm buying it daily. I know it's not good for me, but damn it, I want it.

If I could have it inserted directly into my veins, I would. Does that make me weak? Yup.

Do I care?

Nope.

Gabrielle Keiran Dreistadt
Age 12 Honor student worked with animals, volunteered at Fulton church.
By Frederick N. Rasmussen | Sun Reporter
June 11, 2008
Article tools
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Digg Del.icio.us Facebook Fark Google Newsvine Reddit Yahoo Print Reprints Text size: Gabrielle Keiran Dreistadt, a Wilde Lake Middle School honor student who worked with abused animals and through her church assisted senior citizens and others who needed a spare hand, died of aplastic anemia Thursday at Johns Hopkins Hospital. The Columbia resident was 12.

Gabrielle, who was born and raised in Columbia, was diagnosed in March with the disease that took her life. Aplastic anemia occurs when bone marrow fails to produce sufficient blood cells.

"She was a strong and healthy girl who suddenly got sick," said her mother, Holly Anne Conti of Columbia.

Gabrielle, a sixth-grader, was popular with students and teachers.



"She was a great kid and a dream student. She was hard-working, cheerful, friendly and worked well with the other students. I could put her into any group of students and she was fine," said Rebecca J. Feldwick, who teaches reading at Wilde Lake Middle.

"She was an advocate for students who needed help. She'd come to me and say, 'So and so needs a little extra help,'" Mrs. Feldwick said.

Gabrielle, who had a voracious appetite for reading, was always asking Mrs. Feldwick for book suggestions.

She added: "I only wish that I could have had a hundred students like Gabrielle. I was so blessed to have had her as a student."

Gabrielle learned and enjoyed playing alto saxophone.

"She also enjoyed writing music, ceramics and making jewelry," her mother said. "She also loved cats and especially her cat Stormy."

She attended church regularly with her mother at Grace Community Church in Fulton, where she was an active youth group member, enjoyed Bible study and participated in community outreach projects.

"Gabrielle was an incredible gift to us all. She had a smile that would knock you over, and when she walked into a room, the place would light up," said the Rev. Shaun Smithson, the church's pastor.

"She'd join other members of the youth group in baking cookies for members of the Fire Department. They'd go to a local grocery store and put all the carts back or help a senior citizen carry their grocery bags," Mr. Smithson said.

Gabrielle also volunteered with Day's End, an organization in western Howard County that cares for abused and injured horses, her mother said.

Joanna F. Grabau was one of the leaders of Gabrielle's Bible study group at her church.

"She was humble and kind and had the ability to make those around her feel good," Ms. Grabau said.

Lauren N. Barkley, who also teaches Bible study at Grace, is a registered nurse at Johns Hopkins Hospital.

"Gabrielle wasn't my patient, but I'd go and visit. One day after she had been in the hospital for two months, she said, 'This really stinks.' Can you imagine all she'd been through and that's all she could say?" Miss Barkley said.

"She had incredible courage. I never, ever heard her complain about what was going on," she said.

Gabrielle had traveled to California with her father, Mark Dreistadt of Columbia, who also had taken her on a visit to Ireland for spring break this year.

Joanna M. Tanner, who teaches geography at Wilde Lake Middle, was one of her favorite teachers.

"I've been crying for days. She was one of the sweetest students I've ever taught," Mrs. Tanner said.

"We bonded over our Irish heritage, and she had done a cultural project on Ireland for our class. She was so happy that she was going to Ireland for break, and we looked forward to hearing her talk about her trip. Of course, she never made it back to our classroom."

Services will be held at 2:30 p.m. today at her church, 8200 Old Columbia Road.

In addition to her parents, Gabrielle is survived by a brother, Alex Dreistadt; a half-sister, Rhiannon Reichenbach of Sunbury, Pa; her maternal grandparents, Richard and Clara Conti of Pittsburgh; and many aunts, uncles and cousins.

It's not always about you...

It's time to be a grown up.

It's time to do something I don't want to do. Put my petty feelings aside and just be there for my friend.

Her daughter is dead. I got the call this afternoon. I haven't spoken to her in a while, but we used to hang out a lot. We were in the PTA together (her twins were in Alex's grade. In fact, her son is an Alex as well, so they were Alex D and Alex B) and we used to make fun of all the "PTA" moms and roll our eyes during meetings. So much fun. She's such an awesome person.

And now the worst thing that could possibly happen to a person has happened to her. Her daughter is dead and her son is an only child. That poor boy. Poor Alex D :(

I will be there for her tomorrow. I will dress up, be prompt, and offer whatever help I can. Then I will stay and attend the funeral of a 12 year old girl, even though every part of me is screaming that I can't handle it. I know I can't.

But I have to.

For my friend.

When do you throw in the towel?

I've been part of this online community for nearly 6 years now. Many of the women I post with, I consider to be very good friends. I've met people from all over the world and it's always a very interesting place to be. I have worked close with admin on a lot of issues with the site and feel party responsible for what a cool place it's turned out to be.

But the thing is...it doesn't make me happy there anymore. There are very few boards where I want to post and be involved. Really, the only one that comes to mind is the Atheist/Agnostic Families board. Those women kick some serious ass. There are some other boards that I've enjoyed very much in the past that are driving me absolutely bonkers right now.

I'm tired of the rules. I'm tired of feeling like a child who has mommy and daddy watching her every move. I'm exceptionally tired of the bitches who get away with breaking the rules and never get punished. Or they get a little punishment, a slap on the hand, but then admin gives them a nice wink and nod like "hey, I wouldn't punish you if I didn't HAVE to, but I'm doing it to shut up the trouble makers who are mad about it." Mostly, I'm just tired.

I mostly only feel stress when I'm there. I love the A/A board, and I don't want to leave those ladies. There are so many women there who need non-religious support and some who are scared to 'come out' as it were and I want to be there to help them be confident in their lack of religious faith.

But, is it worth all the heartache?

I want to walk away completely, but I don't know if I have the willpower. There's a private board that's very close to my heart that I fought and fought to get. Unforunately, there are new members popping up there all the time that need help and, honestly, a lot of the members on that board look to me to respond to the threads. I can't leave those women. THey are hurting so much and need to hear that they can get through things and not completely crumble.

I'm just so very torn.

A part of me wants to go out in a blaze of glory and tell this one user off who I think is one of the most vile, disgusting, and ungodly people I've ever met. She, of course, thinks she's the perfect Christian - way better than the others on the site. She makes me vomit. I want to tell her everything I've ever wanted to say - I will surely be banned if I do that.

Maybe that's what I need to get completely away from the place. The entire site, as a whole, just sucks the life out of me. I get so angry and depressed being around there.

Seems like an obvious decision eh? Not so much - I've posted with some of these women for 6 years...that's a long time.

What to do, what to do.

I LOVE TOP CHEF!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Sometimes, I hate being a girl

I pride myself in being a relatively strong person. I don't break down and cry over nothing. I think I handle myself well in pressure situations and I'm calm as crap during emergencies.

But every once in a while.

That girly shit comes out.

And I hate it.

I especially hate it when other people hear about it. I just got a call from my female boss (who is married to my male boss) asking me if I'm ok and what's going on. This woman is 6 months older than me, 6 months, yet I feel like she's my mom sometimes. She can drag ANYTHING out of me, no matter how much I wanna keep it to myself. So let's rewind, shall we?

I stayed up too late last night, contributing to the funniest thread in history with Nadine. I figured, I could sleep in this morning.

No such good luck.

Zack was up at 7:30. I was able to fall back asleep until 8am, when the phone rang. We've been out of hot water since Tuesday and the repair man was supposed to come today. That was them saying he would be here. Ok, great.

I go back to sleep.

I'm awakened, yet again, by the boys trying to kill each other (this is pretty much a daily occurence). I'm getting pissed now. I think at some point Dave came in and decided it was probably best to leave me be, for fear of death. I FINALLY fall back asleep.

10:30 my cell phone goes off with the distinctive "work" ringtone. Fuck. It's my male boss, and he's NOT happy. Apparently, the prep person didn't come into work this morning. "How's your morning?" he asks. "Crappy" I said. "It's about to get worse" he chimes in. Greeaaaat. So, he's yelling and venting, which he is apt to do. We hang up and, silly me, I decide to fix the situation. I call the other manager, who is on her way in an ask her if she can call this one guy to come in and help because I don't have his phone number. She does. He says he will come in to help, but that's not ok with male boss. Male boss is pissed and throwing a fit because he doesn't want THAT guy to come in.

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Short of me, myself, and I coming in and prepping (I have to close tonight, let's not forget that), he's not going to be happy with anything I come up with. Well, not that involves this one employee. So, Erin (manager) calls me back and tells me that boss is pissed and yelling at her. I absolutely lost it at that point.

What am I supposed to do? I have no hot water - I smell bad, I'm not going to lie. I need a fucking shower I needed it yesterday, if you want me to be honest. I'm trying to help out the situation and I'm getting shit on.

I do not like crying over stupid shit. I was just sooooo tired and this just pissed me right the hell off.

Flash forward an hour and my phone rings with that telltale ringtone again - but it's my female boss's cell phone. She wants to know what's going on that I'm crying because her husband yelled at me. I have a tough skin, she knows this.

I have no good reason for crying about this, other than out of pure frustration and being a girl. I don't like being a girl.

I want a penis.

Um, I'm not Jewish....

So how did my kid end up with a jew fro?

EXHIBIT A (The only 'normal' picture, which I had to beg him to let me take by promising to take several 'dorky' pictures afterward):



Yes, I know he looks like a girl there - what can I do, he looks like me!

Ninja Master:


Opera Singer:


This is his favorite thing to do when I go to take a normal picture. He will smile all cute and as soon as he sees the little green light blink, he does this:



I'm pretty sure I could make a slideshow of just THAT face. In fact, I'll just do it right here, let me check out my photobucket account:







He started young - this was his 4th birthday:


Or sometimes, he does this:








Man, he cracks me up.

She's Leaving Home...

I've got the Beatles song in my head. Man, I love the Beatles. For Mother's Day, Dave put the entire studio album catalog on my iPod. I listen to it all the time.

Back on topic. Ah, the ADD runs rampant. The meds didn't work, FYI.

Cassie is moving out next week. It's such a bizarre feeling. I've been trying to put it into words, but it's really difficult. I'm excited for her, but completely terrified. She's not stupid, but she's very naive when it comes to the real world and it's workings - especially financially. I'm not happy with the situation surrounding her moving out, but she's 18 now, a high school graduate, and unless I want to ruin our relationship forever, there is no stopping her from doing this. So, we've given her our advice, we've given her our love and respect. We've told her she's welcome back at any time, no questions asked. She's already practically gone - she's only here to help with Zack on the days I'm working because I can't line up any after school care right now. The house is a lot quieter, of course, and I'm trying to focus on the positives (less mess, less laundry, more privacy, etc). But, the fact of the matter is that I already miss her.

Usually, when Dave's not around, she is, so I always have someone taller than 5 feet to talk to.

I think - no, I know - that I have an irrational fear that she's going to go down the same road as her biological mother and be a complete loser who sponges off of people for her entire life. I can't see her doing that - she's so smart and very determined. But, that fear is still there.

This is not easy. I put on a good cover, but it just isn't. If it's this hard letting her go, I can't even imagine what I'm going to do in 12 years when Zack leaves.

Words of Wisdom, From Zack

Zachary is 6 and a half years old now. He's finishing up Kindergarten and has been a star student. For those who have never met Zack, he is truly a 50 year old, grumpy old man in a 6 year old's body. I'm going to think of my favorite things he's said recently that made me bust out laughing because, well, who would have thought they would come out a 6 year old's mouth?

Me: "Goodnight, baby."
Z: "Don't call me baby, I'm not a baby."
Me: "Honey, I know that - it's an expression. I call Daddy 'baby' all the time."
Z: "He doesn't like it either, but he respects you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings."

****************

Me: "Alex, when you're feeling bad, you need to take a second and think about what you really want to say instead of saying something shocking and over dramatic."
Z: "Alex, if I'm upsetting you, then you can just tell me, ok?" (Said like a true therapist in training - he may have even put his hand on Alex's hand)

****************

*crying* "Why didn't you TELL ME this toy was unstable?"

****************

Me: "Zack, Cassie wasn't angry, she was just telling you to stop."
Z (with clenched teeth) "Does this sound angry to you? Yes, I think it does!"

****************

Zack threw a mini fit about me eating one of his shrimp at dinner:
Dave: "Zack, do you hear me whining - ohhh, wahhhh, you ate my shrimp, wahhh?"
Z: *big sigh* "No, of course you don't. You're a grown up."

****************

Z: "Alex, remember, we are brothers, not mortal enemies."


****************

Zack said something about when he's a dad one day:

Me: "I can't wait to see what your kids will be like."
Z (very matter of factly): "Mommy, you'll be dead by then."

Do You Still Blog?

I got asked this by one of my best friends today. I realized, no, I don't. I haven't in 18 months. Why is that? Too busy? Eh, probably. I'm not going to do any kind of update because all my friends KNOW what I've been doing. Managing the restaurant full time, landscaping our front and back yard, trying not to commit murder and go to jail. You know, typical mom stuff.

So, I'll just get Eminem in my head over and over...guess who's back? Back again...