ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: She's Leaving Home...u

Thursday, June 05, 2008

She's Leaving Home...

I've got the Beatles song in my head. Man, I love the Beatles. For Mother's Day, Dave put the entire studio album catalog on my iPod. I listen to it all the time.

Back on topic. Ah, the ADD runs rampant. The meds didn't work, FYI.

Cassie is moving out next week. It's such a bizarre feeling. I've been trying to put it into words, but it's really difficult. I'm excited for her, but completely terrified. She's not stupid, but she's very naive when it comes to the real world and it's workings - especially financially. I'm not happy with the situation surrounding her moving out, but she's 18 now, a high school graduate, and unless I want to ruin our relationship forever, there is no stopping her from doing this. So, we've given her our advice, we've given her our love and respect. We've told her she's welcome back at any time, no questions asked. She's already practically gone - she's only here to help with Zack on the days I'm working because I can't line up any after school care right now. The house is a lot quieter, of course, and I'm trying to focus on the positives (less mess, less laundry, more privacy, etc). But, the fact of the matter is that I already miss her.

Usually, when Dave's not around, she is, so I always have someone taller than 5 feet to talk to.

I think - no, I know - that I have an irrational fear that she's going to go down the same road as her biological mother and be a complete loser who sponges off of people for her entire life. I can't see her doing that - she's so smart and very determined. But, that fear is still there.

This is not easy. I put on a good cover, but it just isn't. If it's this hard letting her go, I can't even imagine what I'm going to do in 12 years when Zack leaves.


Blogger Ei said...

I think about the two of you every danged day...I wonder if she has even half a clue that your heart is breaking like this. That is what sucks about parenthood...they never in a million years will ever GET how much we love them unless they experience it themselves. And then they'll probably think that we couldn't possibly have loved them as much as they love their own. Sob.

9:44 PM  

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