Conversations With an Almost 4-Year-Old

"Mommy, how many more sleeps until Halloween?"

"365, honey."

(wailing) "NOOOOOOOOOOO, that's not even a real number!!!!"

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"Mommy, Simba's in my carseat. Tell him to get out. He's not even a person!"

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"Zack, flush the potty, there's pee in there"

Zack (who didn't go to the bathroom, even though he tried) "No, there's not! You're LYING!"

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*Listening to The Scientist by Coldplay* "Mommy, why is Coldplay sad?"

"His name is Chris Martin, honey"

"Oh, why is Chris Martin sad, mommy?"

"I don't know, because his girlfriend left, I guess?"

"Where did she go?"

"Um, I don't know?"

"To the store, probably."

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"Mommy, Cassie (or Alex, take your pick) is being mean to me. Will you hit her?"

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(Talking to Cassie's friend, Brandon) "Um, you don't say shut up."

"Huh?"

"Only my mommy say shut up. It's only for girls."

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"Mommy, I wanna go to NY with you and chill."

"Do you know what chill means?"

"It means cuddle."

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"Mommy, when will I be older than Alex?"

"Honey, you will never be older than Alex because he was born before you."

"I won't never be older than Alex?"

"No, sweetie."

"Oh. When I'm 15 I will be older than Alex?"

"No, honey."

"Oh. When I'm 1, I'm older than Alex."

"No, Zacky, you're 3 now."

"I'm gonna be 4 in Bezember."

"That's right, 4 in December. December what?"

"Eleventeen."

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"Mommy, I don't say that bad word right?"

(confused) "What bad word, honey?"

"Fuck out the house"

Ooops. No more Six Feet Under in the background ;)