Why is it?

That I can't seem to get a grasp on my feelings? And why do I make bad decisions? I mean, I can sit there and think, if I do X, then X1 will happen and that will not be good. Yet, I do X anyway. I knew that doing X would make me feel better, even though it was a bad decision. I knew that it would relieve the anger I had and provide comfort, as weird as that sounds now, the next day. So I did. Even though I knew that X1 would also be the result. And X1 makes me feel bad.

And now I have to go and see my therapist, who had an opening today but I didn't check the answering machine this morning and missed her call. She's really going to be disappointed in me.

Blah.