ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: The Bradford Curseu

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Bradford Curse

I've found over the past few years that, even though I'm an intensely social person, I hate people. I love amusement parks, but hate the people. I enjoy concerts, but please oh please, don't let anyone touch me.

Part of my hatred for public places is the now infamous Bradford Curse. It never fails that no matter where we go, we end up in front of, behind, next to, or within earshot of the most obnoxious, idiotic, wastes of oxygen that could possibly walk this earth. This happens everywhere. If it's not the obnoxious ones, we are next to, behind, or in front of the dumbest ones. The ones who don't know how to use an ATM. The ones who are confused when the cashier rings up their items and, gasp, they cost money. God forbid they are offered paper or plastic.

It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Ask my husband. If we get in a line at the grocery store, THAT is the line with the agitated customer who holds up the rest of us for 10 minutes while they complain that something is on sale when it's not. Or they've put in the wrong PIN number and are all pissed off that they have to swipe their card again and start spouting off exasperated expressions of anger while they are doing it "I can't believe I have to do this again. I have placed to be. These machines are so stupid". That last example happened to me at Starbucks just two days ago.

We can't switch lanes, because as soon as we do, something bad happens in that lane as well. The cash register breaks, they need a price check, you get the picture.

At amusement parks, we are always suck in line near the obnoxious teenagers who think that everyone gives a crap about what they have to say, so they speak at about 3 times the normal volume of regular people. They curse because they think it's impressive and act like they are all studs in bed (these are the girls too). Ugh. OR, we get near the rednecks who are drunk and spit chaw all over the place. Very classy.

Let's move on to the movies. Usually, when I think of people being annoyed at the movies, it's during the movie. For us Bradfords, it can even happen in the line waiting for tickets. I need to remind myself to get tickets online each and every time we go to the movies. Saturday night, we were in line waiting to buy tickets and this woman is standing right behind me, SCREAMING, to her kid, who is about 20 feet away. If that's not bad enough, when she turns to talk to her husband, she's still yelling. "What's the name of the movie? Without a r?" (Lady, that's an A, can you not tell the difference between an A and an R?) "I don't even know what movie she wants to see. WHAT MOVIE ARE WE SEEING". Oh shut up already. There are two of you in line. Walk over to your daughter, ask her, come back, save the rest of us from the ruptured ear drums. Quit being so damn lazy.

Once, we were in a theater all alone. Minutes before the movie started, two people came in and sat in the row right behind us. Completely empty theater and they sit behind us. Ok, fine, just because they are behind us isn't a problem. But of course, it ends up being a problem because they talked LOUDLY throughout the entire movie. We ended up moving. I can't count the amount of times we've had to move or ask people to be quiet in movie theaters.

This curse also seeps its way into our neighbors. We have luckily broken the curse at this point, but we've had the worst luck ever. First place we lived, the woman in the townhouse next to us would let her kids run up the down the stairs at all hours. It was horrible. Plus, her kid was mean to our kid and, even though she was nice, we hated living there. She ended up being the best of the worst, actually.

The worst was the one after that. We moved into another set of townhouses and we saw our neighbor had teenagers and we were worried. Turns out, she was sweet as sweet could be and the teenagers were extremely well behaved and polite. She moved. And in moved the family from hell. 5 kids, sometimes 6, and a 3 bedroom apartment. 5 badly behaved kids. 2 parents who could care less what their kids are doing.

I think the icing on the cake was the morning that one of their kids knocked on our door at 6:30 a.m. wanting a ride to school. I was livid. I can't even talk about this anymore, it's making my blood boil.

What am I getting to with all of this? No clue, but I bet you learned something new about me and I hope you are a believer now. The curse exists.


Blogger chaos_girl said...

Hahaha- you're just like ME! Scary! I love places, but hate crowds. Hate them touching me, hate them moving so close to me in line that they are touching my ASS- EWW!


6:27 PM  

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