ue I'm More Than Just a Mom...I Think: That's interesting, no wait, THAT is interesting, did I mention T.H.A.T., what about THIS?u

Friday, July 30, 2004

That's interesting, no wait, THAT is interesting, did I mention T.H.A.T., what about THIS?

In childhood, I was diagnosed as hyperactive/ADD. Not much was known about that then, Ritalin helped so say my parents, and I was miserable. We'll get to that later.

As an adult, I'm positive I still have ADD. I am compelled on a daily basis to jump from one task to another, often juggling 4-5 tasks at any given moment. My mind jumps around constantly. For example, in typing this paragraph, I've gotten up twice. Once to get a salad, and once to clean up something. WHY did I have to pick that piece of paper up and take it to the recycling now, why couldn't I have waited until I was done with this? I guarantee if you're IMing me, I've got so many things open that my task bar is a jumbled mess. Thank goodness I can type fast!

In my brain, while listening to someone else, I'm constantly thinking of something different to say as soon as the opportunity presents itself. I find myself doing that all the time with Dave or with my boss. I almost pounce once the last word comes out of his mouth. This is not something I like. I know that David hates it. Often he says "you weren't even listening to me were you?" when I say something fully off topic to what he just finished telling me. It's hard to explain that yes, I was listening and heard everything, I just have no impulse control and must spew my thoughts immediately.

I get frustrated. I forget things very quickly because I'm always focusing on everything else. When I'm at work, I can't just type a letter, print it (with corresponding envelope) and proofread it. I have to type it (often stopping several times to say, check my work e-mails, write a post it note for something or a notecard), print it, go turn on the postage meter, start listening to the next dictation assignment, perhaps even starting said next assignment, get up and put a file away, you see where I'm going with this. Some time later, I might get around to printing the envelope and proofreading the letter. Why is it so hard for me to do things in order? You don't even want to know how I fill out a form. There's no way that I go in order, it's an absolutely impossibility. If someone said "You must fill this form out in order or the building would explode", I would tensely fill it out and most likely, the building would end up exploding because I would be overcome with the urge to NOT go in order. I jump all over the place. I took particular notice today after I had filled out a Certified Mail card the order in which I did it. It went a little something like this (making up names and such):

Mr. Thomas Dunn
Went to the section and checked off "certified mail"
111 Main Street.
Filled in half of the tracking numbers at the bottom of the card.
Flipped the card over and stamped our address on that side and wrote the client's name under it.
Flipped card back over and finished the tracking number
Baltimore MD 21212

Why do I do this? I think that having this problem leads to other "disorders/quirks" that I have. I have this compulsion to have my hands/fingers busy at all times. It's almost unheard of for me to sit and watch a movie without a) being on the computer, so that I'm typing, b) eating or c) doing cross stitch. Another reason I'm on Instant Messenger so much - I can't just read a website. That's too directed, finite, and exact. I have to switch around so my fingers are busy. The skin on my fingers is a wretched mess. I bite my cuticles, I pull hangnails, sometimes I even just pull off skin because I can. My fingers look disgusting. This is why I will never go have a manicure. I'm utterly embarrassed.

And it's just my fingers that are constantly busy, it's my mind. I'm running at 110% all the time. My husband complains that I talk a lot. What he means is that I have diarrhea of the mouth. Often, I can't keep my thoughts in my head, I have to share them with him. It's as if there's a door that goes from everyone's brain to their mouths. Normal people have a regular door, perhaps with a lock or two. I have a revolving door that never stops. Are these things that I tell David of the utmost importance, urgent, earth-shattering epiphonies? No, often they are trivial facts or information that he could care less about.

I just stopped and cleaned up some videotapes that Zack pulled out of the cabinet. Sigh.


Blogger Fluttering Whispers said...

Hay girl! :) I can sooooooo relate to this! I fill out cards, applications you name it the SAME WAY! lol and my fingers?? uh hu! And I hear ya on being emberassed! I use my hands all the time b/c I'm a MT ~ but Ican't help it! Is proably why I love smoking too ~ it keeps my fingers busy, but it makes me breath and calm down for a sec. Damn those things lmao Been 2 weeks since I had one last! So you can image what a wreck I am now LOL

Anyhow just sayin' I understand *Hugs*

6:28 PM  

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